I am at the point where I can look back and name two friendships already killed by infertility.
One was with a co-worker, L. We used to hang out outside work and talk a lot during the work day. When I confided in her that I was diagnosed with PCOS and scared, she (who has a son with her boyfriend they accidentally conceived 3 weeks into their relationship) scoffed and said "I think you'll find it's much easier to get pregnant than you realize." Ouch, you clearly didn't listen to anything I have just said.
Last summer while I had just begun treatments and a dear friend of ours had a 5 year old daughter preparing for brain surgery, L seemed almost allergic to asking us how things were going for us, preferring to talk endlessly about herself and complain about her own (comparatively) trivial problems. We were both hurt by her actions. Her lack of compassion and understanding meant I really had no choice but to cut her out.
It has been since last July that I stopped considering her a friend. Knowing then that we had been TTC for six months, it still hurts sometimes that she never asks me how it's going or how I'm holding up.
The other friendship was much deeper and it's apparent ending is causing me a lot of stress. I have written about this friend before, J. Up until about September, J and I were fine. I probably would have called her my best friend. We shared everything, talked on the phone a couple of times a week and emailed daily. She was with me through the first part of my treatments. But then, she and her husband started TTC and I just couldn't take it. She started confiding in me about their (heartbreakingly normal) TTC plans and it just killed me. I tried to explain it to her but she didn't understand, and I think at that point she decided to stop trying to understand.
Then, about a month ago when things were already really tense between us, she sent me an email telling me I should start going to church. She got pretty pushy about it, and I was extremely offended. I thought she understood that I grew up Catholic and I feel really uncomfortable there. That going back to church would require a change in religion which is hard for anyone at any point in their life, let alone right now. Most of all, I think, I was hurt that she thought I hadn't even considered church and that I didn't have good reasons for avoiding it.
I waited four days to respond. In my opinion, I politely refused and explained that I don't want to hear "This is God's plan" more than I already do. She was apparently irreversibly hurt by the way I rejected her suggestion. We have barely spoken since.
I am nervous that soon she will be telling me she's pregnant. I feel bad because it was a great friendship gone awkwardly bad. I feel guilty because I'm having surgery on Wednesday and she doesn't even know. And how am I supposed to tell her when things are so awful between us?
So that's, two infertility. I don't have very many left. Please let me keep these.