I've been saying for a week that there was a meltdown coming around the bend. I wish I had been wrong.
It started in the waiting room. Since I still see an OBGYN, the waiting room was full of big, beautiful, pregnant bellies. The tears started then.
The nurse who checked me in saw I was distraught. She confided that it took her five years to get pregnant the first time. That's when the crying really started. I don't know what part of that she thought would comfort me. Four more years of this? I'll be catatonic.
I nervously brought up the septate vs. bicornuate uterus thing with Dr. Lovely. She told me that I was right, an HSG doesn't diagnose between the two. The diagnosis can only be made surgically, and they don't usually do surgery until "you start having problems".
This is really hard for me to stomach. If I have a septate uterus, the septum can be removed and everything will be fine. We all know that "having problems" is a code word for "miscarrying". I'm really not comfortable waiting for a poor baby to die needlessly to decide that we need to have surgery to find out what sort of fucked up my uterus is. I talked it over with A (through many tears) and he feels the same. We'd rather I go under the knife now.
A lady in my yoga class has a daughter with a septate uterus. Poor girl had three miscarriages, all in the fourth month, before she found out she had a septum. No thank you.
Think about it: say I get pregnant next month. Knowing what I know (that my uterus could be bicornuate or it could be septate) I'll be terrified for months. If I have surgery now, I'll know for sure, and if there's a septum, it can be removed. And if there's not a septum, I can't really look at it as pointless surgery. Because I'll know.
The other bit of information I learned is that I will be referred to an RE after my next IUI. In fact, they're referring me now since it takes months to get in.
It's expected that I'll get my RE consult in May. So I have February, March, and April and only one more treatment cycle with Dr. Lovely. Our plan now is to ask for laproscopic surgery as soon as possible, take Feb and March off, have our final IUI in April and hopefully never have to see the RE (he's three hours away, but has an excellent reputation).
I'm literally going to have to call the doctor's office and fight for my right to have my abdomen cut open, perhaps unnecessarily. My husband and I both feel that this is the correct decision to make. Have we both gone off the deep end?