Friday, January 14, 2011

Negative Nelly

Today is 7dpiui. That means I have survived the first half of the 2ww, and I really don’t even think I went that crazy. I have been busy at work and I’ve been shopping for stuff for our upcoming cruise, plus I’ve been reading like a madwoman. So I haven’t had too much time to sit around and think about whether or not it worked.

However, mid-morning yesterday, it hit me: a nagging feeling that this cycle didn’t work. I think this is based more in worry and self-protection and less in common sense. If it’s going to work, I haven’t even gotten to implantation yet, so of course I’m not expecting symptoms or anything. I just can’t explain it. I hoped it was a fleeting thing but this morning I woke up with the same feeling. It didn’t work.

I hate that I am so irrational. I wish I could just relax and stop thinking about it. It’s just that with a co-worker who’s approximately 10 weeks pregnant and an office full of fertile myrtles, I know that pregnancy is going to be the #1 topic of conversation around here for most of the year. And it would just be so much more pleasant if I could be involved.

I need to keep telling myself that my dad’s twin sister had similar problems to mine and got pregnant on her first IUI. I am going to try not to spend too much time dwelling on what it means that I’m having these feelings. I know they are ridiculous. Right?


Still A Guest Room said...

I really, really hope your feeling is wrong...and I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed that this one worked!

Jem said...

Welcome to week 2 of the 2WW. Week 1 is always full of hope and inspiration. Week 2? Urggghhhh.

Hang in there! Keep focusing on the positive!!

Marissa said...

I hope things work for you. *hugs* And I agree that the second week is the sucky week of the wait.

Anonymous said...

I am the exact same spot physically and mentally that you are. It's agonizing. I feel like clearing my entire weekend next week to allow for the aftermath of a bfn. Your post allowed me to feel some hope though. Keep your chin up!