This morning A and I went to a pancake breakfast. We live in a small, sleepy bedroom community where almost everyone, including us, commutes to the Big City (haha). However, the town is big enough to have schools of its own, so that's where we found ourselves, eating pancakes, this morning.
It was weird being back in a school. And instead of seeing it through the lens of a student, I saw it through the lens of a parent. "Someday we'll probably come watch our kids sing in a Christmas program on that stage," I said to A. We walked past the library and I pictured our future children reading and working on homework (probably crying over math like we both did). We saw the row of lockers and I imagined the boyfriend/girlfriend drama that will inevitably play out for years to come.
What year will it be when we have a child in high school? What will we look like then? Will we have the same house? Our dogs will probably be gone. How healthy will our parents be? Will the year(s) of infertility still hurt with the same sharp pain or will they have faded to a dull ache? Will I be sitting in the same gym years from now and tenderly remember the woman I am now? What would future me, mother of high schoolers, say to current me?
I have decided to test on Wednesday morning (12dpiui). I asked A if he thought that was a good plan and he said "If you actually make it till Wednesday I'll be very proud of you." I think I can make it.