I thought I’d check in to say that I’m 26 weeks and my baby is 14 inches long – the size of an English hothouse cucumber. I don’t know about you, but that’s always been my favorite of all the oddly named cucumbers. (?)
So this is probably about the point in the pregnancy where I could start complaining if I wanted to. I’ll allow myself a handful of sentences: 1) I am big and it’s getting difficult to bend over or get up off the couch. 2) Constipation continues to stump me, and it hurts. 3) According to the scale, I’ve gained 8 pounds in 3 weeks – of course I’d like to believe that half of this is poop. 4) I’m nervous about how many weeks I still have left and how much bigger I am going to get.
I’ve also been having a large amount of anxiety about taking care of a baby. This is unexpected, because I’ve never doubted myself in this area before. I’ve always loved babies. My first year out of college I worked at a daycare with 6 week-14 month olds, so I have a ton of experience with babies and I’m not scared of them.
It usually goes like this: I put in a full day of work. I get home and I’m starving so I eat. Then I can hardly motivate myself to get off the couch to eat (every hour) and pee (all the time). I feel like a lazy piece of shit, when honestly what I’m experiencing is normal fatigue. But I beat myself up about it.
And then the doubt creeps in… “How will you take care of a baby? How will you have enough energy and patience? You’re going to be terrible at this. You don’t know the first thing about babies.”
I really, deep down, don’t feel this way about myself. I know I’ll be tired and impatient a lot, but I feel like motherhood is what I’m supposed to do with my life and I know I’ll figure it out. After all, I’ll be off work and I have 12 weeks to devote every minute of every day to figuring it out. I think I know I can do it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get really, really scared sometimes, or pretty much every night.
Any advice, mommies? I know it’s not easy, but I can do this, right?