Last night was the first meeting of the Resolve Peer-Led Support Group I’m trying to start. No one showed up, but I wasn’t really surprised by that. My fliers have only been up for two weeks and I figure it’ll take a few months to get the group off the ground.
I got to the location about 15 minutes early, got myself a drink, and tried to find a table near the door but not right next to anyone. I had made a tent card with the resolve logo, which just says “resolve” really big and underneath in tiny letters “The National Infertility Association”. My plan was to set the tent card up on my table, because people who had seen the flier would recognize the logo, but people who didn’t know what resolve was probably wouldn’t notice the words underneath. (My original plan was a giant poster board that said “INFERTILE PEOPLE OVER HERE”, but I nixed that one)
It was a lot scarier than I thought it would be. Even though realistically, no one was paying attention to me and wouldn’t be able to read the word “infertility” on the tent card, I just couldn’t bring myself to stand the tent card up like I had planned. Basically declaring myself to everyone there as infertile. To make matters worse, one of my husband’s friends was there and I was terrified he’d see me and come talk to me and ask what resolve was and I’d have to tell him the whole thing.
I settled for laying the tent card flat on the table in front of me. I figured people would still see it if they were looking for it.
I am pretty “out” about my infertility. The girls at work know what’s going on, my family knows, my closest friends know. So I didn’t expect it to be so hard to make myself the area poster child for infertility. I was almost relieved when no one showed up.
Maybe it will get a bit easier every time, and by the time people start attending the group, I’ll be more comfortable.