Tuesday, January 18, 2011

11dpiui: BFN

Last night I had a dream that I took three separate pregnancy tests, and they were all positive. It was a very real dream. I woke up and felt like it was a sign.

It wasn't. The test was stark white. Not even a hint of a second line.

I know there is still a small glimmer of hope that it's too early. That's why I'm still taking the progesterone and I won't drink for a few more days. But emotionally, this cycle has already failed for me.

Although we have been TTC for 13 months now, this was only my second treatment cycle that gave me a real shot at getting pregnant. I guess it was foolish to think it would work on the second try. 

I don't know how you ladies endure the two week wait over and over again just to see those negative tests. The thought of doing this again is exhausting.

The February cycle is up in the air for now. If my period arrives when I'm expecting it, we will learn the outcome of a February cycle about a week before we leave on vacation, and we will have already booked all of our "NO PREGNANT WOMEN ALLOWED" excursions, so it's not very good timing. And there's also the matter of this cyst on my right ovary that has been bothering me. Maybe I'll be benched. 

There have been no tears yet. I know that there is an emotional breakdown coming soon. Stay tuned.

8 comments:

Still A Guest Room said...

Really hoping it's too early and continuing to wait with you.

DtheRN said...

Thinking about you two today. I too hope that it's just too early to tell. Keep us posted.

Rain Child said...

I hope it's just too early! My fingers are crossed!

Lindsay said...

Holding out hope for you!

Marissa said...

I'm so sorry, hon. I believe in hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. And hell, at least if the worse comes to pass, you get horseback rides and lots of alcohol as a consolidation.

But hoping for a pregnancy for you. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Please don't give up yet. Thinking of you & keeping fingers crossed.

Roccie said...

I hate POAS. I am waiting here with you.

Drevas said...

Hang in there my friend. Give it a few more days... I will be thinking about you!