There are lots of bad things about sitting this cycle out. Namely, that I hate waiting and that the idea of twiddling my thumbs for an entire month makes me want to barf with anxiety and impatience. But I am trying to force myself to look at the good things, so here they are.
1) I get to go on my Lulu-only trip next weekend. When my period arrived I thought I would have to cancel it because it falls on CDs 14-16. But that doesn’t matter now!
2) If we get bad news at the repeat SA tomorrow, at least we have a grace period with which to deal with it.
3) I will not be mired in the miserable 2ww during Christmas, like I had planned.
4) I took the week off between Christmas and New Years and now I can be drunk pretty much the whole time if I choose.
5) No messy progesterone pills. I hate those freakin things.
That’s really all I can think of. Honestly, the bad still outweighs the good, but I suppose the consolation prizes aren’t awful.
I was understandably upset when I left the doctor’s office yesterday, but my mind was going 100 mph on my drive back to work. They told me to wait until CD40 for my period to arrive, and if it hadn’t started I’d get provera. By the time I got back here I had decided to call and ask for a pack of BCP. CD40 is sometime in January and I wasn’t willing to wait that long, only to have to wait 5-6 more days after I start the Provera. They agreed to give me the BCP and now I at least know I’ll start within 30 days.
I haven’t let myself think too much about what this says about me…that I am absolutely unwilling to have an unmedicated cycle.
I am holding my breath until A’s test tomorrow. It’s at 10:15. I took the morning off so we could sleep in together, I can warm up the car while he’s doing his thing, and I can be absolutely positive that the sample stayed as warm as it possibly could. We are going to stay there to hear the results together. I feel nauseous just thinking about it.
4 comments:
I'm glad you can see some positives, and you definitely deserve some alcohol. Good luck tomorrow!
slipping on the rose colored glasses is sometimes the only way to keep going.
as for being unwilling to do an unmedicated cycle... do what your gut is telling you. i feel the same way myself- that at this point, with my long history of anovulation, unmedicated cycles are a huge, time-wasting crapshoot.
luck and prayers to you for the SA. i am sure you already do this, but our RE told us to wrap the specimen cup in a t-shirt or something as soon as it is collected. prob useless info, but just thought i would mention it.
I'm so sad that you have to sit out this cycle. Hopefully tomorrow will bring good news and you will be ready to go next month! I will be thinking about you tomorrow and hoping that all goes well and that your hubby's sperm stay nice and warm and are alive and well! (I hope that it's not too weird for me to say that!)
*hugs* At least you are looking at the positive side of things instead of just focusing on the bad. <3 I really hope everything went well at the appointment!
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