Friday, November 19, 2010

Clomid #2 = BFN

I tested last night, at the end of 12dpo. After the day I had yesterday (going to the bathroom every 30 minutes to see if I had started, feeling exhausted and nauseous and headachy, freaking out endlessly about what it all meant), I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I waited until this morning.

It was a crystal clear negative.

So now I’m in plimbo, just waiting for my period to start. I am still taking the progesterone but I guess I should stop. Will it keep my period away even longer? But on the slimmest, tiniest offchance that the test was wrong, (foolish I know) I don’t want to regret stopping the progesterone. I don’t know what to do about that one and I can’t call my doctor to ask because I wasn’t supposed to test.

Hopefully I will start today because I am going to a party tonight and I’d very much like to have a drink.

I went to bed with a very heavy heart last night but the tears didn’t come, and that’s okay. I have decided to turn all of my focus to the upcoming holidays while I proceed with the next cycle. It is taking a lot of energy not to look at Christmas as a sick milestone – one year since we started, and in May my old OBGYN told me I’d be pregnant by Christmas. But I am absolutely enamored with Christmas so I refuse to let this garbage ruin it.

I have come up with an idea for future 2wws, by accident, and I thought I’d share. Remember how on Monday I said I was going shopping over my lunch hour? Well I went to Target and tried on about 15 tops (which is impressive since I get 30 minutes for lunch) but I didn’t like any of them. Then I went to Ann Taylor LOFT on Tuesday and Kohl’s on Wednesday. I didn’t have a lot of luck but I did find one sweater at Kohl’s I really liked. I didn’t buy it because it’s $30 and I’m generally a huge cheapskate. This morning I decided to go back and buy the sweater tomorrow as a BFN consolation prize.  

So I think that’s my plan for the next 2ww. I’ll spend the 2ww shopping until I find something I want – a necklace, a pair of shoes, a top, whatever. Then I won’t let myself buy it unless I get a BFN. I really like buying new things but I rarely let myself do it, so I’m hoping this will ease the pain of any future BFNs.

Here’s to a period filled weekend, hopefully. Oh, and Harry Potter : )


Drevas said...

I thought about you this morning while I was getting ready for work and I was hoping that you would get a BFP... I’m so sorry that you didn’t...but I’m happy that you are treating yourself to a sweater! What a great idea for the 2ww! I’m totally going to do that too. I need to hurry up and pick something out that I want before I test this weekend. :)

I hope you have a great weekend and that your period gets here soon so that you can start a fresh, new cycle!

Still A Guest Room said...

I have been waiting to hear how your test so sorry it was negative. You definitely deserve a sweater, and Harry Potter is always good at helping me get through a weekend. Thinking of you!

Roccie said...

Hi Lu. I am really sorry to hear about the BFN.

Harry is a prize, but not the one we were all hoping to get. I am finishing Order of the Phoenix as we speak. Waaay behind in the movies. I will fill my next 2ww w those. Certainly not with POAS.

Hang in the my dear and we will do this again together until we get it right.