I tested last night, at the end of 12dpo. After the day I had yesterday (going to the bathroom every 30 minutes to see if I had started, feeling exhausted and nauseous and headachy, freaking out endlessly about what it all meant), I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I waited until this morning.
It was a crystal clear negative.
So now I’m in plimbo, just waiting for my period to start. I am still taking the progesterone but I guess I should stop. Will it keep my period away even longer? But on the slimmest, tiniest offchance that the test was wrong, (foolish I know) I don’t want to regret stopping the progesterone. I don’t know what to do about that one and I can’t call my doctor to ask because I wasn’t supposed to test.
Hopefully I will start today because I am going to a party tonight and I’d very much like to have a drink.
I went to bed with a very heavy heart last night but the tears didn’t come, and that’s okay. I have decided to turn all of my focus to the upcoming holidays while I proceed with the next cycle. It is taking a lot of energy not to look at Christmas as a sick milestone – one year since we started, and in May my old OBGYN told me I’d be pregnant by Christmas. But I am absolutely enamored with Christmas so I refuse to let this garbage ruin it.
I have come up with an idea for future 2wws, by accident, and I thought I’d share. Remember how on Monday I said I was going shopping over my lunch hour? Well I went to Target and tried on about 15 tops (which is impressive since I get 30 minutes for lunch) but I didn’t like any of them. Then I went to Ann Taylor LOFT on Tuesday and Kohl’s on Wednesday. I didn’t have a lot of luck but I did find one sweater at Kohl’s I really liked. I didn’t buy it because it’s $30 and I’m generally a huge cheapskate. This morning I decided to go back and buy the sweater tomorrow as a BFN consolation prize.
So I think that’s my plan for the next 2ww. I’ll spend the 2ww shopping until I find something I want – a necklace, a pair of shoes, a top, whatever. Then I won’t let myself buy it unless I get a BFN. I really like buying new things but I rarely let myself do it, so I’m hoping this will ease the pain of any future BFNs.
Here’s to a period filled weekend, hopefully. Oh, and Harry Potter : )