BFN (again).

The blood test was negative. My hopes were dashed on Thursday and my false hopes were dashed today. It feels just as bad this time around.

I keep thinking about the stupid woman who checked me in at the lab this morning. Right before I sat down I asked to use the restroom. When I got back she gave me a peculiar look so I told her “I just keep thinking I’ll start my period and won’t have to have this blood test.” She asked how long I’d been trying and I said 11 months. She told me “Just stop trying, and it’ll happen.”

Actually, no it won’t. I don’t ovulate on my own so no amount of relaxing and being patient will do a damn thing. That’s why I’m here, because I have to have medical intervention. Do you think I want to be here? And I said that to her (well, not all of it, in a nice way and less colorfully).

I asked Dr. Lovely’s office about the possibility of Provera, but no dice. They told me it could take up to another two weeks for my period to start. I am so tired of waiting. Waiting for the diagnosis, waiting for the Metformin to work (it didn’t), waiting for my cycles to start (they don’t), waiting to take the clomid, waiting to find out if it worked (it didn’t…times two). Waiting for my body to confirm this latest disappointment.

I have spent all of 2010 waiting. 

At least the 2ww is over.