Monday, November 22, 2010

BFN (again).

The blood test was negative. My hopes were dashed on Thursday and my false hopes were dashed today. It feels just as bad this time around.

I keep thinking about the stupid woman who checked me in at the lab this morning. Right before I sat down I asked to use the restroom. When I got back she gave me a peculiar look so I told her “I just keep thinking I’ll start my period and won’t have to have this blood test.” She asked how long I’d been trying and I said 11 months. She told me “Just stop trying, and it’ll happen.”

Actually, no it won’t. I don’t ovulate on my own so no amount of relaxing and being patient will do a damn thing. That’s why I’m here, because I have to have medical intervention. Do you think I want to be here? And I said that to her (well, not all of it, in a nice way and less colorfully).

I asked Dr. Lovely’s office about the possibility of Provera, but no dice. They told me it could take up to another two weeks for my period to start. I am so tired of waiting. Waiting for the diagnosis, waiting for the Metformin to work (it didn’t), waiting for my cycles to start (they don’t), waiting to take the clomid, waiting to find out if it worked (it didn’t…times two). Waiting for my body to confirm this latest disappointment.

I have spent all of 2010 waiting. 

At least the 2ww is over.


mare said...

I am so sorry. Freaking PCOS sucks.

It is always amazing when a HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL says something as stupid as "just stop trying, it will happen" or "relax and stop thinking about it." REALLY PEOPLE? You have a paycheck because I can't ovulate.

Obviously, I get irate.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself and not just letting that stupid comment slide.

Still A Guest Room said...

I am so, so incredibly sorry. I wish there were magic words of comfort I could offer, but know that I will continue to follow your journey and think of you.

Drevas said...

Wow... the nerve of some people. I'm so sorry... I wish that I could have been there with you to give that woman some evil looks while you were telling her all of that.

I hope your period shows up soon!