I feel bad that my post was so negative yesterday. A 12 and an 11 follicle! I should be so happy about that! (my mind is screaming TWINS TWINS TWINS!!!) It’s way better than last time and signs are pointing towards ovulation this month, which seems like a minor miracle in and of itself. After 10 months of anovulation you would think I’d be jumping for joy that I have something growing on my ovaries at all besides a bunch of tiny cysts. But very quickly this positive outcome just becomes one more step on the path to being pregnant, which is an uncertainty. And I hate uncertainty.
And who I am to judge the pregnant people in the waiting room? Of course through the bitter, infertile glasses I was wearing at the time they were all super fertile and taking their pregnancies for granted. But of course not all of them are. Maybe one of them is even there after IVF and I have absolutely no right to begrudge her her pregnancy. Some day I hope to be sitting in that waiting room pregnant and I don’t want someone to resent me for being there.
I am trying to visualize my follicles growing. I figured out that 12mm is .47 of an inch and I’ve got a sketch of that in my head and sometimes I just focus on it growing and growing.
One thing that really helps through all this is reading other people’s tales of infertility. I’m especially grateful for a new blog friend, Drevas, who is on a very similar cycle to mine. We even have matching appointments on Friday!
After doing some googling yesterday I found some fun articles that you may enjoy:
Performance Anxiety at the Fertility Clinic – written by a man, about giving a semen sample while he and his wife were grappling with secondary infertilityThe Father of Infertility -- this one made me cry. Written by a woman who lost her mother at a young age and learned to lean on her father for support during infertility.
Putting egg whites where the sun don't shine. Oh the crazy things we do to try to get pregnant!
Enjoy your reading!