Nurse Useless

Next Wednesday I have an appointment with a new OBGYN. I have a few good recommendations for her, and she is the only OBGYN in town who has infertility services and the letters PCOS on her website. Whoo hoo!

Because I am just hateful and spiteful like this, I decided to make a list of the reasons I don’t trust Nurse Useless, at my current doctor’s office. Disclaimer: I love my doctor, even followed her to her current practice when she left her former practice. Unfortunately, I don’t get much time with her, and am forced to deal with Nurse Useless, who does things like this:

1. Last December I called to announce “I’m going off the pill! Wish me luck! We’re about to get pregnant folks!” I asked her what to expect and she said it may take 3 months to regain a regular cycle (ha, ya think?) She never mentioned prenatal vitamins, she never checked to see if I knew how to time ovulation, she never mentioned to limit caffeine or check out any other medications I might be on. I know I am responsible for a lot of that too, but you’d think it would cross her mind to mention it.
2. Some time in January (I think), when I was way late on my expected period, I called to see what she thought. She told me, and I quote, “Call back in April”. Well, that’s encouraging. Your bedside manner is top notch. Not to mention, December + three months does not equal April.
3. In March (I cheated), I called back, she prescribed me Provera. Okay, I guess she didn’t mess much up that time.
4. On CD45 or some shit, I called back and poured my heart out. “I’m TTC and I took Provera to start a period and I had one but it’s been a long time since that period and I had a positive ovulation test but now I’m thinking maybe it was a false positive, and I’m starting to get nervous that it’s been like four months since I went off BCP and my cycle is all effed up. What do you think?” And her response was “What pharmacy do you use?” WTF? So I asked “What are you prescribing me?” And she said Provera. Hello! I don’t want any Provera. So I tentatively said “I have a lot more questions and I don’t know--” at which point she cut me off and told me that maybe I should come in and talk to the doctor. Ya think??
5. At said doctor’s appointment, I was tentatively diagnosed with PCOS, given Provera to start a cycle, and told to report for Day 3 bloodwork for the official diagnosis. CD1 was on a Friday, which meant the blood draw had to be on Sunday. On Friday morning when I called to make the appointment, she told me to fast for 8 hours for my blood glucose test (only when prompted – I had to ask about fasting). That afternoon I consulted Dr. Google, who told me the fast was 12 hours. I called the hospital where the lab was ordered and yes, indeedy I needed to fast for 12 hours. That four hours made a huge difference when you consider I went to have bloodwork done on Sunday morning and was at a bachelorette party that Saturday night.
6. The following Thursday, she called at 4:27 (three minutes before the office closed) to give me the results of my bloodwork. She left me a voicemail saying “Your bloodwork is normal, call me if you have any questions.” Say what? We don’t want the bloodwork to be normal, we want to see that I have PCOS so we can diagnose me. I called back but the phones were off. It was Thursday afternoon of Memorial Day weekend, the office was only open from 8-12 the next day, and during those hours I would be on an airplane on my way to California. I was not about to spend the next four days in a state of panic about the cryptic voicemail she left. So I called my doctor on call, who called the nurse, who said that oh, whoops, actually we were still waiting on some of the labs. NICE. Useless, I tell you.
7. When I started on the Metformin I felt like crap for a month. About halfway through I called to see what I could do to ease the side effects. She told me to reduce my carb intake. I said “Hm, that’s funny, my pharmacist told me to increase my carb intake, is that not right?” At which point she said “hang on”, put me on hold, and then came back and said “yes, increase your carb intake.” (it’s all the same thing, really, right?)
8. When I had been on Metformin for 10 weeks, I called to verify that I knew what the plan was (Provera, clomid, ultrasound, etc). She told me we could get started on the Provera early. I was all like YAY OMGZ LOLZ !!!one!! And then I said “Hang on, even though my last Provera-induced period was only two weeks ago and I’ve only been on Metformin 10 weeks instead of the required 12. And she’s all like Yes, I will call your Provera in to the pharmacy. And then later called back and acted all shocked about when my last period started and said I couldn’t take the Provera for two more weeks. Shocker.
9. Even with all the confirming and verifying I did, she neglected to mention that there might be a shot involved at the ultrasound, if everything went well. I think that she didn’t ever know that would be the case.

And that brings us to the present, and explains a little bit about how excited I am to potentially switch to another office.