Thursday, October 14, 2010

“It’s like failing a test when you got all the answers right.”

This morning I went to the walk-in clinic because a week of painful constipation got the best of my nerves. I had a really hard time deciding if I should go or not, but the sensation had gotten so uncomfortable that I was fearing kidney stones or appendicitis. Nope, an abdominal x-ray cleared up the mystery. The doctor said, and I quote, “That is a LOT of poop!” Thank you, thank you very much. She seemed shocked and appalled.

When she first came in to see me, she asked me a ton of questions. When I mentioned that I took 50 mg of clomid last month, she said “So what’s the status on the fertility?” to which I laughed and said “There is none.” Her face got all weird and I thought I had offended her (maybe she missed the class in med school about using humor as a coping mechanism).

She ordered a urine test and, lo and behold, I’m not pregnant. After she had made her diagnosis and given me all sorts of not-so-helpful tips about what to eat to keep myself from getting this way again, she left the room and said on her way out “good luck!” I said thanks, silently cursing her and her poop jokes. Then she turned around and said “Good luck on the clomid, too. I’ve been there.”

Turns out, the walk-in clinic doctor conceived through IVF at age 41. !!!! And then she went on to conceive again at age 44, through IVF. I was so shocked and thankful that she shared her story with me. She said she did 5 cycles of clomid and it never worked for her. Seriously, what doctor let you do 5 cycles of clomid at that age, but I guess I’m not a doctor. When she went to an RE, she tested positive for an antibody that literally kills embryos. She made sure to say a few times that she knew how frustrating TTC could be, but that I should have hope.

One thing she said has really stuck with me. Well, okay, she said “It’s like banging your head against the wall”, which I could relate to. But then she said “It’s like failing a test when you got all the answers right.”

Hmmm…something to think about.


Roccie said...

Old pregnant women rock.

(Please, please let me rock this year.)

Lulu said...

I'm pulling for you to rock! This woman is like a shiny beacon of hope. : )