“It’s like failing a test when you got all the answers right.”

This morning I went to the walk-in clinic because a week of painful constipation got the best of my nerves. I had a really hard time deciding if I should go or not, but the sensation had gotten so uncomfortable that I was fearing kidney stones or appendicitis. Nope, an abdominal x-ray cleared up the mystery. The doctor said, and I quote, “That is a LOT of poop!” Thank you, thank you very much. She seemed shocked and appalled.

When she first came in to see me, she asked me a ton of questions. When I mentioned that I took 50 mg of clomid last month, she said “So what’s the status on the fertility?” to which I laughed and said “There is none.” Her face got all weird and I thought I had offended her (maybe she missed the class in med school about using humor as a coping mechanism).

She ordered a urine test and, lo and behold, I’m not pregnant. After she had made her diagnosis and given me all sorts of not-so-helpful tips about what to eat to keep myself from getting this way again, she left the room and said on her way out “good luck!” I said thanks, silently cursing her and her poop jokes. Then she turned around and said “Good luck on the clomid, too. I’ve been there.”

Turns out, the walk-in clinic doctor conceived through IVF at age 41. !!!! And then she went on to conceive again at age 44, through IVF. I was so shocked and thankful that she shared her story with me. She said she did 5 cycles of clomid and it never worked for her. Seriously, what doctor let you do 5 cycles of clomid at that age, but I guess I’m not a doctor. When she went to an RE, she tested positive for an antibody that literally kills embryos. She made sure to say a few times that she knew how frustrating TTC could be, but that I should have hope.

One thing she said has really stuck with me. Well, okay, she said “It’s like banging your head against the wall”, which I could relate to. But then she said “It’s like failing a test when you got all the answers right.”

Hmmm…something to think about.