Tonight I did a bit of shopping. I am that girl that the retail workers hate because I take in a thousand items and purchase one (maybe). It's not my fault that I am a medium in some brands and an extra large in others. I always have to take in an 8 and a 10 in pants no matter what. So really it's the retail industry that is faulty, not me.
So I am pulling on and off lots of shirts and tank tops and capris and bras and the dressing room is tiny and all of a sudden I feel like I'm going to die. I am dripping with sweat and my heart rate is accelerated and the walls seem to be closing in on me (probably because I have cluttered the already small room with so many damn clothes).
I left the dressing room and tried to find a quiet place. I called my husband.
"I think I might be having a hot flash."
"Yeah. It feels like a panic attack. I'm incredibly hot and my heart started beating really fast. It was weird. I think it's the Lupron."
"It is supposed to do that?"
So he said some supportive things and we hung up.
I proceeded to the checkout with a self-satisfied smile on my face. I am so strong. I am going through this difficult IVF thing and I am remaining cool headed about it. I am making so many personal sacrifices for my baby. I am so superior.
That's when I noticed a lady fanning her face with a coupon. And a guy fluffing out his shirt for some ventilation. And someone else dripping in sweat.
And it dawned on me. The air conditioning was not on. I was not having a hot flash. I am just an idiot.