Yesterday morning my husband and I were sitting at the dining room table. I had my phone close by because the IVF lab had said they would call if our embryo stopped dividing, and if they didn't call, it's good news.
Well, they called, and my heart sank. I picked up and she said "This is soandso from the IVF lab, I just wanted to tell you your embryo is dividing, I checked on it very early this morning and it is a beautiful 2 cell." I let out a huge sigh of relief and said "You have no idea..." and then got choked up. She said "I know, I could tell you were holding your breath so I tried to talk very quickly!" Haha.
Friday was spent grieving. I cried a lot. I cried because we wouldn't have two to transfer and I wanted twins (I really, really wanted twins). I cried because we wouldn't have any to freeze and I'd have to go straight to another fresh cycle if this fails. I cried because I doubted the quality of this little embryo if all of his other friends were so messed up.
But mainly I grieved the notion that my eggs are young, perky, beautiful, and capable of anything. This seems to be false. That is still a hard pill to swallow and things like "premature ovarian failure" keep popping into my head in dark moments.
But by the time I went to sleep Friday, I had stopped grieving and had focused all my thoughts towards this one little embryo making it through the night and coming back to my body.
And he did! I am PUPO. I will write more about the transfer tomorrow.
Thank you all so, so much for the outpouring of love and support I received from my post on Friday. It means more than you know.