Tuesday, October 18, 2011

7 weeks and very anxious


I have rounded the halfway point until my next ultrasound, which is a week from yesterday.

I’m still alternating between being sure this will work out and being terrified.

I have not had morning sickness, but I have felt dizzy almost all of the time. My nipples are still a little sore and dark. I still have blue veins on my chest, but they’re not as noticeable as they were.

I’m not quite as exhausted in the evenings as I was last week, although I slept pretty much all of Sunday and felt terrible that day. Yesterday I had about an hour of feeling yucky in the afternoon.

I had near constant cramps that petered out last week, came back full force on Friday, and now have been almost totally missing (although as I type this, they’re making a liar out of me and coming back oh-so-mildly).

I had some “spotting” last Thursday night. I put it in quotes because it barely even counted. There was hardly any of it, and it was a light, light brown or tan color. I knew it was probably nothing to worry about, but I still sat on the couch and cried in fear. I called my Dr. on call and he reassured me that it was nothing to worry about. It hasn’t returned.

I don’t know how on earth I will wait until Monday for another ultrasound. I’m terrified the baby has stopped growing.

I’m trying to get my husband to let me call the RE and request a scan with my OB here in town. I feel like if I told them 1) my symptoms were decreasing, 2) I had spotting last week, 3) I’m unbelievably anxious and 4) currently adjusting to life off of my anti-depressant, they’d definitely let me go in. A thinks this is a terrible idea and I should be able to manage my anxiety better than that. But…I cannot.

Please hurry up, Monday.

7 comments:

Drevas said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking to get a scan for your own peace of mind! But if you decide to hold off until Monday, I hope that time goes by quickly for you and I will be thinking of you and your little one until then! I am sure all is going great. :)

TurtleMama said...

I still have a week until my first u/s and I think my anxiety is picking up a notch as well. The high from the positive beta has worn off and worry has set in. I, like you, are not having any nausea, so I am worried that things aren't progressing as they should. Ugh! Stupid infertility. It really magnifies the doubts and insecurities. If a scan would give you some peace of mind I don't see the harm in it.

bodegabliss said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I know how hard it is, and it's awful you can't just stop the worrying. I think if the anxiety is really effecting you, you should call your RE for a scan. It's not good for the baby to stress as much as you seem to be (I know it's not easy to NOT stress! this is just what I've been told when I've been in your shoes).

I think it's really easy for our husbands to shut off the anxiety because it's not their bodies. They mean well and just want us to be okay, but it's not that easy. All your signs sound normal, but if you can't stop worrying, you should go! I went once a week my last couple of pregnancies because I couldn't wait more than that.

infertile-thoughts said...

I'm so sorry you are having such anxiety! I get it it though, and with those four reasons you listed I think it would be absolutely beneficial for you to request an earlier ultrasound. The worst they can say is, "sorry, you have to wait", but at least you will have tried!

Like Bodegabliss said, sometimes our husbands don't get it. You have a teeny-tiny baby inside of you that you are thinking of 24/7 telling it to grow, grow, GROW!! That's enough to drive a FERTILE woman mad let alone an infertile!!

Kristen said...

Sorry for the anxiety...these weeks of waiting are so, so hard. Praying everything is OK in there and that you are able to make it through this week. It might be a little early for symptoms to be kicking in, and spotting can be a good sign...I'm currently pregnant with twins and had light spotting for about 2 weeks straight in the beginning.
Good luck making it to Monday!

Nini said...

I hope that Monday comes soon. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this anxiety. Perhaps if you tell them how anxious you are they will move up the scan?

Alex said...

This early pregnancy time is so freaking scary! I hope you can find some distraction to get through it - it's so hard, I know. Everything's crossed that you will get through this time very quickly!!! Thinking of you!