Saturday, September 17, 2011

Lulu's guide to using facebook

There has been a lot in the blogosphere lately about complaining -- more specifically, complaining about your children and your pregnancy via facebook/blogging. I don't wish to be involved in the drama, but I do wish to clarify my stance on the issue. It's pertinent in this day and age.

I don't like to read people's complaints about their pregnancy and their children. It rubs me the wrong way, due to the stage of life I'm in. It seems like if I had an ill/deployed/deceased spouse I would hate to see people complaining about their partner. Or if I were unemployed I would be annoyed to see people complaining about work.

However, when it comes to facebook, I realize most people have over 200 friends and they are not directing these complaints at me. And I am free to hide/block/defriend them, which I do, with a heavy hand. When someone is one-on-one complaining to you about their children, and knows you're dealing with infertility, well, that's insensitive and a different topic all together.

When it comes to blogging, well, no one forces you to read anyone's blog. Just stop subscribing. Which I also do, frequently, when the content isn't interesting to me any more, or when it offends me. It's the internet. There's a lot of shit out there and you can't read it all.

But I guess my real issue here is that facebook shouldn't be for complaining, at all. Facebook is not the place to live through your horrendous breakup with hourly status updates about the soul-crushing devastation you feel. (I had a friend who did this and it was SO. ANNOYING.)

The internet, in general, isn't really an appropriate place to document your child's diaper rash/UTI/circumcision/broken bone/etc. I know your child is a small person, but s/he is still a person, and has a right to a certain degree of privacy, meaning that the guy you got coffee with once in college doesn't know the intimate details of his/her medical history.

I also don't think the internet is a great place to lament about your mother-in-law, your boss, your partner, or your children. That's just not what it's for. I log onto facebook to see what my friends are up to: what movies they're seeing, if they're traveling somewhere, if they're running a marathon, if they've gotten engaged/married/divorced etc.

I don't have a problem with using facebook for announcements. "I'm pregnant!" "We have decided to get a divorce." "My child/husband/father/friend/aunt is in the hospital and I'd appreciate your prayers." "We lost a pregnancy and we are mourning." "I lost my job today, so if you have any leads, please call me." All appropriate.

"My kids are driving me f*cking crazy." "My husband is such a dickhead." "My mother-in-law is going to make me jump out a window." "Why did I spread my legs for my husband that night because this pregnancy thing sucks." Not appropriate.

It's facebook, it isn't a f*cking episode of Dr. Phil.

So to my 261 friends: please keep it light. Facebook is not the place for your deepest, darkest confessions.

And to the 35 of you I've hidden from my news feed: you suck.


LC said...


Jen said...

Very well said! Thanks for writing this. I so agree that what people say on facebook is not meant to piss me specifically off. But people do share way too much these days. I've resorted to infrequent status updates mostly to my mom knows what I'm up to when I don't have time to call her. It really is a strange beast.

TurtleMama said...


annoyed army wife said...

LOL! I completely agree! I went on a facebook sabbatical halfway through my husband's deployment, seriously, one the best things I've ever done - I log back in now on Wednesdays, just once a week. I unfriended until I was down to a list of 100 people who have managed not to completely annoy me. :)

Stacy said...

I very much agree! I would delete my account except for the fact that I get a lot of invites to stuff via facebook...I also think it is a huge waste of time.

JM said...

Duh, that's what blogging is for :)

Pregnantish said...

I love this! Very true. Although there is a certain amusement in watching a couple who are clearly in the same house (probably the same room) argue openly and rather embarrasingly via status updates... so, so wrong!

infertile-thoughts said...

Seriously! Love this post.

Just started a blog partially for this reason alone!