I thought I would at least have a few critical days to operate normally before I slid straight into 2ww insanity and misery. Boy, was that was foolish of me!
Let’s just review:
- I have never been pregnant before.
- I was sexually active and on BCP from 18-22 - no accidents.
- I went off the pill and tried “naturally” between December ‘09 and May ‘10 – nothing (not surprising, since I wasn’t ovulating at all).
- June – August ’10 I took Metformin – nothing.
- September – December ’10 I tried naturally/with clomid and timed intercourse – nothing.
- In January and April of this year I had IUIs. Nada.
- In July we did IVF #1. Zilch.
Not so much as a chemical pregnancy to speak of. Never seen two lines except for when I’ve been on hcg triggers/boosters.
So why should I expect this to work? Because, ladies and gentlemen, it has the best chance of working of anything we’ve done, ever.
I never had hope for clomid/IUIs. I know many people conceive that way, but in my gut I knew it wouldn’t work for us. I was right because my eggs do not fertilize without ICSI, as we proved during IVF #1.
IVF #1 was such a disaster that I held out very little hope for our 6-celled embryo. I pretty much mourned the failing of that cycle the day we got our fertilization report.
So why would IVF #2 work? Nothing has ever worked.
But, why wouldn’t it work? We transferred two beautiful blasts and conditions in my hoo-ha were perfect for babymaking.
My pregnancy test is 9/28. All along, I have somehow thought this was a Tuesday. I woke up today and told myself “one week from today.”
In a meeting this morning, someone referenced Thursday, September 29. “Wait a minute,” I thought to myself, “that can’t be right. If 9/29 is a Thursday then 9/28 is…DUN DUN DUN…a WEDNESDAY!” Which it is. Which broke my heart because that’s another day I have to wait to find out if this worked.
Luckily with IVF, 3-5 days of the 2ww are occupied waiting to transfer. That’s nervewracking in its own way, but it’s not the 2ww pain. But now I’m past that and I’m freaking out. I am both dying for beta and terrified of beta.
I don’t even know what to do with myself.