Monday, February 14, 2011

A buncha randomness

Quick update: my friend, J, did not announce a pregnancy today at lunch. I don’t know if I feel more 1) relieved that I don’t have to deal with it for at least a few weeks or more 2) foolish that I worried so much. Infertility has made me a suspicious, paranoid, crazy person.

My lap is scheduled for Thursday morning. I would say I am nervous about these things, in this order:

3. Finding out it was all for nothing because I don’t have a septate uterus
2. Recovery and gas pains
1. Waking up at 5 am to give myself an enema

I went for pre-testing last week and was given lots of colorful brochures. One, entitled pain management, has the typical smiley face scale useful when rating your pain. 
It explains that during recovery I will be asked to rate my pain every few minutes so they can determine how much of what kind of medicine to send me home with. Meaning, I will say 10 10 10 10 10 because you know I love narcotics and I like to have a nice little nest of leftovers at all times.

When I got there the lady made me stand on a digital scale. I hate scales. My weight flashed and I said “Hey that’s awesome, it’s in kilograms and I have no idea what that means!” She just stared at me blankly and then pressed a button which switched it over to pounds. Bitch.

While I was there they drew blood for a pregnancy test (ha…ha…it’s hilarious, I know). One nurse was prepping me for the blood draw while one was going over a list of medical conditions with me: “I’m going to name a bunch of conditions, stop me if any of them apply to you.” Of course the other nurse couldn’t get the needle in, so while I’m feeling it bump around on either side of the vein repeatedly I’m being barraged with her droning on and on: “rheumatoid arthritis, cancer, lupus, HIV/AIDS, type 1 diabetes, type 2 diabetes, gout, anxiety, depression, heart disease, liver disease...” Finally when she was done blabbing and the other nurse had gotten my blood I looked at her and said “I didn’t hear anything you just said.” The because there was a needle in my vein while you were talking, dumbass was implied.  

The strange unmedicated symptoms continue. I have blue, veiny boobs. I’ve never had blue, veiny boobs in my life. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was knocked up.

Happy Valentine’s day to everyone. I kind of hate Valentine’s day – it seems like it makes single people as miserable as Mother’s day makes us – and A and I decided not to celebrate today. We’ll pick another day when we’re not so busy and flowers aren’t so expensive and the restaurants aren’t so packed. He is romantic in his own sweet, simple ways. I am extremely lucky to have him, but I know that every day.


Drevas said...

Love this post, Lulu!

1.) - So happy to hear you did not have to deal with a pregnancy announcement today!

2.) Good luck with your lap on thursday... (and with the enema...yikes!)I would DEFINITELY agree with telling them your pain level is at a "10, 10, 10, 10"... :)

3.) Happy Valentine's Day to you and A! My hubs and I are not celebrating this year either... but regardless, I hope you have a great day/evening together! :)

runnyyolk said...

I'm glad your friend didn't say she was pregnant! I'd have been totally paranoid too!

Denver Laura said...

I'm glad you didn't have to deal with hearing about IT.

GL on the lap this week. You made me laugh in describing the visit today. Thanks, I needed that :)

Still A Guest Room said...

Good luck on your lap.

mystrandofpearls said...

I can't believe the nurse switched it over! Ass.
I always step on scales backward and demand they not tell me what it says. They always look at me like I'm insane. Whatever. Maybe it's because nurses are like hostesses at restaurants - they're always 5'1" and about 80 lbs. Which always makes me feel great.

Alex said...

You crack me up...

SO very glad you didn't have to deal with a pregnancy announcement! And sending you good wishes for your lap. Hope everything goes well, including the enema...

I've had to do one for a colonoscopy - yes, it was icky, but not as bad as I was expecting. Good luck!

junebug said...

Yeah for no preggers announcement!

I'll be thinking of you during your lap. My fingers are crossed that everything will turn out great. I hope your recovery is quick.

I prefer celebrating every holiday after it is over and everything is on sale. That is my idea of romantic. :-)

Drevas said...

I'm not stalking you... just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you! :) Hoping that all went well with the Lap today!