Wednesday, September 29, 2010

bummertown, population: me

It has been a really disappointing day. The last thing I want to do tonight is read blogs or twitter posts, or inspiring, uplifting quotes about how when life gets tough you just have to work harder and smile brighter and things will be better.
Because the truth is sometimes things are completely out of your control. And sitting and waiting for them to work themselves out can be excruciating.
So tonight I want to sit around, watch “Glee”, eat chocolate, and maybe entertain a small pity party.
I’m so frustrated that this cycle was basically a huge waste of time. And now I’ve signed up for at least another month of sitting around waiting and feeling helpless, with no guarantee anything will be different at the end of that month. It hurts. And it’s becoming clear that there is no quick fix for this situation and we might be looking at a much longer path than I thought.
So here’s a list of things to be thankful for this shitty experience:
  • During the ultrasound, the tech said “I don’t think we got the right dosage of clomid”. Thus, taking responsibility for this wasted cycle (on behalf of the doctor’s office) and being tactful enough not to say or imply something was wrong with me or my body.
  • I won’t be hugely pregnant on our cruise.
  • The ultrasound tech sat and talked to me and answered all my questions.
  • I did get a good laugh when she told us to have sex every 36 hours for the next 20 days, “just in case”. Who in the hell has time for that, I ask you?
  • I have a sweet supportive husband who went with me to my appointment and helped me bear the bad news, even if it is exhausting to watch someone trying to cheer you up with so much determination.

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