Pregnancy is getting kind of hard. I think I have hit a wall.
The toughest part is the ambiguity of how much longer it will last. I will be full term on May 15, but my doctor will let me go as long as 2 weeks over my due date. So I could have this baby as early as two weeks from now, or I could be pregnant for seven more weeks. Pardon me, but FUCK.
The thing is, I just want him here. I want to hold him, get to know him, start caring for him. I am already not sleeping because I’m so uncomfortable. I’d rather be not sleeping because I’m taking care of my son.
I have handed off all of my work. Tonight is my last shower. By next Monday, the house will be completely ready for him. And that is when the clock will start ticking very, very loudly.
I haven’t packed my hospital bag, and I probably won’t for a while. If I go until my due date or past it, I will be annoyed seeing that bag sit there getting dusty – it’ll be a symbol of how READY I am. If I go early, it will likely be scheduled, so I’ll have a chance to pack.
I know someday I’ll regret wishing away the last weeks of my pregnancy. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m just ready to hold him in my arms.