I knew yesterday because the positive HPT was way too faint. Today, 10dp3dt, it was just plain negative. No booster, no fetus, no pregnancy.
Yesterday was honestly a day full of soul-crushing disappointment. I could barely keep it together and I'm afraid I was a bitch to everyone at work. It was not a happy anniversary. I was blinded by this recent loss and couldn't see anything but three years of failure.
But really, look at what we have done in three years:
- A finished his master's
- we moved
- we bought our house
- we got a second dog
- we bought a car
- I quit my old job and got this current job
- A got his current job
- I've been promoted twice
- I've been to the ER
- I've been to California,
- A has been to Oklahoma
- We went on a honeymoon in Mexico
- We took a Caribbean vacation
- I got diagnosed with PCOS
- I've have a wisdom tooth extraction, HSG, laparascopy, and egg retrieval
- We've had two failed clomid cycles,
- Two failed IUIs,
- and a failed IVF
So that's quite a lot even though I'm still so heartbroken that we aren't parents yet.
Today I'm just angry and bitter and I know from experience that this will linger. Get ready. I plan to be drunk a lot.
Beta is Friday and I wish I could just save my time and money and skip it. We are definitely going to try again, as soon as we are able to.
For now, I have fun plans with friends this weekend while A is away, and I have a trip to California coming up in less than a month.
I will get through this.
PS--we are making plans to skip Christmas this year.