Last night, I was in the bathroom, doing my thang. When I was done, I wiped. (I find this is, generally, the hygienic and comfortable thing to do.) A split second after I dropped the toilet paper in the bowl, I thought to myself “Wait a minute, was that spotting?”
Then I sat on the toilet and debated for a minute. Was it spotting? I think it was spotting. Maybe I should pick it back up and check.
That’s right folks. I actually wondered if I should reach my hand into the toilet water – the toilet water I had JUST URINATED IN MOMENTS AGO – to examine the wet TP. Jesus. This is a new low, even for me.
The reason I was so excited about the spotting is that I thought it might be implantation. I estimated that I ovulated last Friday, based on my sore boobs, etc. We had sex on Saturday, so it would have been decent timing.
But no, this morning I woke up to a full flow.
For those of you playing along at home, that means my last cycle was 17 days.
What’s the point really? Just to frustrate me? This one will probably be 50 just to confuse me even more thoroughly.
I thoroughly fail at the period thing. I take 2000 mgs of Metformin every godforsaken day and yet I have a 17 day cycle. I hate you, PCOS.
In other news, this pisses me off. “Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have…go on a bike ride.” Fuck that. Usually, people can’t go on bike rides on Mother’s day because they’re forced to spend the whole goddamn day celebrating moms, which usually involves going out to brunch and seeing thousands of happy families and spending lots of money and maybe even traveling.
Doesn’t leave a lot of room for leisurely eating breakfast or baking cupcakes.
We’re not allowed to just ignore our moms on Mother’s day (well, I’m allowed to ignore my MIL this year because she’ll be out of the country, but that’s just a one-time blessing by the grace of god or someone who likes me up there). We have to celebrate moms and our SILs who are moms and our grandmas and our aunts and just doing that reminds us that EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD HAS A CHILD EXCEPT US.
We spend every day trying not to “dwell on what we don’t have.” Mother’s day just makes it especially hard.
I usually like that writer’s posts, and she is apparently an IFer herself, but seriously. You can’t tell someone who just had a miscarriage to go on a bike ride and get over it.