Christmas (warning: belly pic)

It's almost Christmas.

Christmas 2009, I went off the pill and we officially started TTC. However, by that point I was already frantic for a child because I had spent months waiting to get good enough health insurance to start trying.

A few months before Christmas 2009, I went to a baby shower and cried all the way home because I wanted it to be my turn so badly, and we weren't even trying yet. So I really consider my infertility pain to have started prior to Christmas 2009.

Christmas 2009 was a very happy Christmas because my time was finally here. I was certain I'd be pregnant by June 2010, when I was in a friend's wedding and could share the news. I was glowing all throughout celebrations that year because of our secret. I was going to be a mom soon.

Things didn't work out and when I saw my (old) OB in May of 2010, she said we'll do a little Metformin, a little clomid, and "You will be pregnant by Christmas."

Christmas 2010 came and went and I hated every moment. It was nothing but a missed deadline. I especially hated my OB for turning my favorite time of year into a reminder of how I'd failed.

So that's my Christmas story. I know it's pretty silly compared to others who have been trying for longer and have endured more. But to me, it's reality.

The year 2011 included two IUIs, a laparoscopy, and 2 cycles of IVF. This year I am unspeakably blessed to look like this on Christmas:

12/17 -- 15w4d