And we're off!

I had my head all wrapped around a break. I will be in California in three weeks and I thought that by taking a cycle off of synthetic hormones, maybe my hair and skin would look nice in my photos. I had convinced myself that a break was a good thing, and I was actually looking forward to it.

But when I spoke to my Dr. for our follow-up last night, it went a little like this:

Dr.: (in his best compassionate doctor voice) “So, there’s no rush, no hurry, think about what you want to do and when you’ve decided, give me a call.”

Lulu: “Oh, we want to do it again. We want to do it again right away. We assume we need to take a cycle off since it’s CD4 already.”

Dr.: “If you’re ready, I’m ready.”

Lulu: “What?”

Dr.: “Are you on birth control?”

Lulu: “No. Wait, what?”

Dr.: “I can call in BCP for you and get you a protocol tomorrow.”

Lulu: “What? [pause as she considers getting through airport security with needles and Qcaps, decides that diabetics do it every day and that she can live without close-up shots of her in San Francisco, after all that’s what photo re-touching programs are for right?] Okay, let’s do it.”

Dr. Friendly thinks he can address my shitty fertilization report by increasing my stims (2 Bravelle, 3 Menopur the whole time) and ICSI-ing all of my eggs. I asked him if he was concerned about my egg quality and he said absolutely not. About two minutes later I asked again “So you don’t want to do any further bloodwork? You think my eggs are fine?” He said he’s not concerned about my eggs at all.

I heard him say that twice, ladies and gentlemen (listen to me, like there’s a single gentleman out there reading this blog). There was no discussion of Premature Ovarian Failure, an egg donor, an AMH test like I had geared myself up for. Just poor stim timing, which is correctable.

I feel like IVF#1 was child’s play compared to this upcoming cycle. I didn’t gain a single pound (!) and had very minimal bloating and pain. I know with this more aggressive protocol I won’t be so lucky this time, and I told him that.

Lulu: “Pump me up, I don’t care how uncomfortable I am, I want something to freeze this time.”

Dr.: [chuckling, probably asking himself how he deals with these hormonal women every day of his life] “Well, I will hold you to that.”

Fasten your seatbelts, here we go!

Transfer day.

After all of the heartache following the fertilization report, the transfer was a good experience.

On Saturday night we drove back to the RE (our third 3-hour trip in one week - *whew*). We had déjà vu checking into the same hotel we had checked into three nights before.

TMI, but I was suffering from some really serious constipation around transfer time. I tend to be constipated anyway, but this was terrible. It hurt to even sit down on the bed, I had to sit with my legs folded under me for cushioning.

Therefore, I spent most of the night before transfer trying in vain to have a bowel movement. It hurt. I was stressed out about it because I knew in the morning I’d be loading up my bladder and it would be a bad time for my bowels to start moving.

We got to the hospital and I took the Valium I had been directed to take upon arrival. They settled me in with my gown and some beverages.

The embryologist came to give us a photo of our embryo. She said they would have liked to have more to choose from and some to freeze, but overall this was a beautiful embryo. I know enough to know that 6 cells isn’t great. But I chose to believe her.

In what seemed like no time, Dr. Friendly came in to take me back.

I wish I hadn’t taken the valium because it made me feel very floaty. My memories of the transfer are fuzzy, and I had questions to ask him that I promptly forgot.

I did remember to ask what the chances were of this working. He had previously told me I had a 75% success rate with IVF, but that was before The Day My Eggs Turned to Shit.

He just looked at me and smiled and said “It’s gonna work. That’s the attitude we have to have. It’s gonna work.”

Another note about Dr. Friendly: that man is a WHIZ with a speculum. The radiologist who did my HSG practically wrenched me apart with his speculum, and both my IUIs were uncomfortable bordering on slightly painful. Maybe it was the valium, but his just glided right on in.

I could see the catheter on the ultrasound machine and watched as he squirted Little E into my uterus. I laid there for about 5 minutes, and then it was time to go home.

I stayed in bed all day Sunday and on the couch all day yesterday. Now I’m back to work and the girls here are being incredibly sweet by doing a lot of my work that requires walking for me.

I am upset because I am on these hcg booster shots. Has anyone heard of these? I take the 7/24 7/27 and 7/30, beta on 8/5. Unfortunately any HPT I take prior to 8/5 is going to be unreliable. I have tested every day since the day of the transfer and I’m keeping the tests taped to a piece of notebook paper so I can monitor the boosters’ effect.

It’s a little heartbreaking to see three positive pregnancy tests and know I’m not really pregnant. But I hope that by keeping careful watch on the lines, I have an idea of how the beta will turn out. I have to get the news at work and my husband will be out of state when we hear. So I really want to have a good idea going in.

Thank you all for your support, and HOORAY for making it to transfer!!

8.

They got 8 eggs. I'm not sure if that's good, I usually hear people getting a lot more, but my friend who had her retrieval yesterday got 5, so I'm happy with 8.

Everything went pretty well. We checked into a hotel last night which was a huge blessing. This morning we checked into the hospital and were taken back pretty quickly, which was good because I am REALLY grouchy when I can't have breakfast.

(Question about pre-op instructions. Does anyone drink their toothpaste water? Why do they always say "Nothing to eat or drink after midnight, including water, you can brush your teeth but make sure you spit out the water." WTF? Who swallows that crap? Nasty.)

Anyway, I was pretty stressed out once I got in my hospital bed because the nurse in charge of me was flitting around, told me she was feeling scatterbrained, and could be heard loudly complaining in the hallway about how she was running behind and was too busy to get everything done. Excellent.

The embryologist came and and told us how everything would go. That they would call me tomorrow morning with the fertilization report and tomorrow afternoon to tell me if it's a 3dt or 5dt.

Dr. Friendly came in and said hello. He rolled me into the OR and I got on the table. I noticed the little door where he could communicate with the embryologist. He told her that the last person's husband was happy to only get 3 eggs because they didn't want to do cryopreservation anyway.

Then they started the twilight anesthesia (the anesthesiologist was the nicest, most polite and most comforting person I've ever met in a hospital) and I was out.

I woke up and was in quite a bit of discomfort. The scatterbrained nurse asked me what she could bring me and I asked for a muffin. She laughed. She brought me crackers and apple juice.

A came back from giving his sample and we hung out for a bit and they wheeled me out.

I'm home now and I feel okay. Very crampy. Hard to walk. Need the heating pad. But I feel better than I expected. I will probably return to work tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted!

The much anticipated meeting with the RE

Today A and I woke up and drove to meet our RE. We made this appointment back in January - hard to believe it finally arrived.

Dr. Friendly (just go with it) lives three hours away from our house. Luckily for me, my parents live halfway between here and there. So we loaded up the dogs and drove an hour and a half to their house, where we dropped off the dogs, peed, got a snack, and drove the remaining hour and 15 minutes to the clinic.

I had planned to get there really early so we could find the clinic and have lunch somewhere before our appointment. The timing worked out perfectly.

All day long I had a nervous tummy. I was so excited to meet him and also so apprehensive. What can I say, it was a big day for me and for our marriage. The most comparable feeling I’ve had is the way I felt on my high school and college graduation days. Proud, excited, uncertain about the future.

The hospital the clinic is in is really impressive. It’s beautiful and high-tech and fancy. While we were walking in, I told A “someday we’ll tell our kids about this moment.”

The staff was so friendly and helpful, and they took a digital photo for our file which I thought was funny. Dr. Friendly definitely lived up to my expectations. He was so nice and knowledgeable. He laughed with me about how organized my medical records were, which made me feel good. He looked over them carefully and took a lot of time to sit and talk with us.

They are very careful not to present themselves as an IVF factory. The intake lady asked us “What is the primary purpose of your visit?” We said “infertility”, but I think they wanted to know if we were coming expressly for IVF. Dr. Friendly also asked me “Do you have any preconceived notions about what treatment you want to seek?” I said no.

Dr. Friendly is anti-clomid and refuses to treat me with it anymore. He actually told me “you’re too thin for clomid” which I thought was funny, but flattering so I didn't argue. He presented me with these options:

1.      IUI w/injectables (namely Letrezole). He stipulated that he will only treat me for two cycles, and mandates a break cycle afterward. He gave me a 20-25% pregnancy rate for the first cycle and a 17-20% rate for the second cycle.

2.      IVF. He said that because I am young and generally healthy, he gives me a 70-75% success rate for my first IVF. Unfortunately we couldn’t start until mid July.

He sent me home with two prescriptions: one for Letrezole and one for BCP. We are supposed to decide by my next CD1 and fill whichever one is applicable.

This is the hardest decision I’ve had to make on the infertility journey. For a while I considered doing an IUI w/injectable cycle during the wait between now and July. I have kind of thrown that out. It seems like a lot to put myself through for a 25% chance of pregnancy. I think I’d rather spend the next 7 weeks exercising, drinking margaritas, and living my life than pursuing an IUI. Even though the meds are different, it still feels "been there, done that."

So I am about 80% sure that we are pursuing IVF in July.

I’m really truly excited about this. But today has been so emotionally exhausting that the excitement will just have to catch up with me.
Side note- I found out today that A’s 21 year old niece is pregnant. We have a strained relationship and she’s currently in the Navy and her husband is deployed with the Air Force. This was a hard one to take.

If you have any advice or any reason I should reconsider the IUI w/injectables cycle, I’d love to hear it.