Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Wish I had more time to write more coherently.

1. Breastfeeding is a challenge. As soon as I think I have it figured out, something changes. I'm still waiting for it to get easy.

2. Some nights, little man will fall asleep nursing, I'll put him in his bassinet, and he'll sleep for 2ish hours. Other nights, he wants nothing to do with the bassinet and will only sleep in my arms, and then he'll sleep for 4ish hours. What gives? I'm not really all that comfortable with co-sleeping in that way, and I don't get good rest when he's in my bed. Some nights maybe he just needs mommy more than others?

3. I would be just about completely healed from my c-section by now, except that, like an idiot, I decided to get the stroller out and go for a walk Saturday morning. Carrying the heavy ass stroller up our porch steps totally effed up the right side of my abdomen, which is now very swollen, and I have bruises all over. I'm a bit afraid of what my gyno will say at my postpartum checkup today.

4. I can't believe my little man is 2 weeks old today. His cord fell off last night. I feel like he has already started changing so much! He goes to the ped tomorrow and will hopefully be back at his birth weight. If not, I'm afraid they will give me a speech about supplementing formula, which I am not at all interested in doing. (AT. ALL.)

5. We got the ergo out and played with it this morning. Once it cools off tonight I hope to go for another walk with that instead of the stroller.

6. I think someone is going to have to literally push me out the door to get me to leave the house. I have been pumping and have plenty now to leave him with my husband for a few hours. But I'm afraid to go.

7. Pumping mystifies me. I have worked up to 3x a day (4x on a good day) and I consistently get about 1.5-2 ounces a day. I'm happy with that. But it's completely unpredictable when I'll get a good amount and when I'll be eeking it out drop by drop.

8. I have watched more tv in the past week than the rest of my life put together. Right now I'm enjoying the show New Girl.

9. I am much better, emotionally, than I have been. The first few days home from the hospital were really, really rough. Everything felt so raw. Sometimes I could hardly look at him because his little face just broke my heart. Things feel better now.

10. The hardest part, by far, of parenting (for me) is learning to silence the voices around you and listen to your gut about what is right for your child. It's difficult when you're new at this and everyone you go to for advice (La Leche League, the pediatrician, the Lactation Consultant, your friends, the internet) contradicts one another. I have stopped going to people for advice for a while and I'm just trying to make my own decisions (one mistake at a time).

11. Breastfeeding is a lot easier with a smart phone. I am reading all of your posts, but it's hard to comment one-handed, on a mobile device, at 3 am.

12. Sometimes I ache to be pregnant with him again. Sometimes I really miss having him all to myself. When he hiccups, I think about how they felt inside of me. But on the other hand, I spend far less time in the restroom and I can finally (!!!) sleep on my stomach again! When I miss being pregnant, I just tell myself I can get pregnant again, which I hope is true.

More later, for now, here's a photo of my sweet little boy.


6 comments:

TurtleMama said...

Oh, he is so precious! Can't wait to meet my little boy! I'm glad you are honest about the first couple weeks. sounds challenging, but glad you are adjusting and following your own instincts instead of all the advice people throw at you. Take care of yourself and don't overdo it!

Jesica said...

SO CUTE!!!

MaryMargaret said...

He's just perfect! I think that making your own mistakes might be the best way to figure things out. I've been getting so much advice from friends, doctors, etc that it's hard to sort out what to listen to and what to ignore.

Be careful with that incision!

Alex said...

So good to hear from you! Honestly, for being two weeks in, I think you're doing amazingly well!!! I commend you for listening to your inner voice instead of listening to advice. I'm tempted to have a few comments (forgive me!) but obviously take it or leave it - your choice!!!

First, breastfeeding will get easier with time, I promise. Regarding how long he sleeps, this will continue to vary dramatically. Alex would sleep on my chest the best in the early days, and it made me very uncomfortable, but it was sometimes better than her not sleeping at all. Then one night I tried the swing, and I remember thinking I wanted to make out with it... Have you tried a swing? Some babies it works like magic to get them to sleep for a few hours on their own. Good luck pumping - I had much better luck using a rented hospital pump than my on pump.

I hope your ped appointment goes well! Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If he's sleeping, even 2 hours at a time, then he's likely doing fine. You're doing such a great job!!! SO glad to hear you're doing better emotionally - this was so tough! Thinking of you and your little man... He's adorable - I love the old man look of newbies...

Heather said...

What a gorgeous boy. My turn soon! I read your other posts as well. My hubby also has diabetes and he isn't very good at eating properly although he has improved a lot. He has to also inject twice a day. I totally am with you about making your own decisions re: breastfeeding, I am already dealing with a lot of pressure from my mom on this one!

infertile-thoughts said...

Congratulations on your beautiful little boy!! Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job :)