Frumpy.

Here is a roundup of the body parts that have been consuming my energy lately:

Breasts: Gigantic. Started at Cs, increased to Es by Christmas, and have not stopped growing since then. Heavy, dense, uncomfortable. Areolas measure nearly 3 inches in diameter. Color: I’m trying to think of something very, very dark. Nipples are constantly hard and roughly the size of thimbles. Bright blue veins visible above the neckline of almost every shirt I wear.

Hair: Uninspiring. Lank. Thin, and still growing so, so painfully slowly despite prenatals and alleged pregnancy boost. Frizzy near my part. Boring.

Belly: Beautiful. Round, firm, delightfully on track for 23 weeks. No stretch marks. Smaller in the morning and nice and round in the evening. Every night while I’m brushing my teeth, I turn sideways and admire my naked abdomen in the mirror. Sometimes I caress it, and I hear the obnoxious alarm going off in the mind of infertile women everywhere. It really is pretty.

I have been very unhappy with my appearance lately. All last week I felt very frumpy and ugly looking, and it didn’t help that I had a monstrous head cold that left me blowing my nose every 10 minutes and slathering myself with Vicks every night.

Everyone prepares you for your widening midsection during pregnancy. I have no problem with that. I love it. No one warned me about how much I would hate my new rack.

My chest is so large that it substantially increases my overall width throughout my torso, making me feel huge all around. Also, when you are this busty, even a modest shirt shows off the girls, and I have NEVER been one to show off the girls.

So this weekend I began Operation: Look Better.

- I got lowlights in my hair at ULTA, which I’ve never done before (they had a special, it was only $30).

- I had my eyebrows and chin threaded.

- I bought a new maternity top – which is the only one I’ve actually shopped for and bought since I got all my maternity tops as hand-me-downs from friends.

- I bought some new makeup.

- I bought two types of hair-curling implements, which I returned, and I decided my hair is just meant to be straight and boring.

In true American fashion, I threw a lot of money at the problem and made it go away. Because I do feel a lot better. I’m glad I took my self-esteem seriously. It is too early to give up on myself!